by Tom Reed, Chorus

Act I Scene 1 - In the household of the Marchese of Calatrava

Leonora has been dating Don Alvaro, but her father, the Marchese, says he's not going to let his daughter marry a lowlife. Alvaro shows up intending to elope with her, and it all goes well, except for one little glitch when he accidentally shoots Leonora's father dead.

Scene 2 - An inn, Hornacuelos, Spain

On the lam disguised as travelers, Alvaro and Leonora are greeted by the local chorus. By the time Verdi wrote Forza, Italian audiences were getting really good at following his convoluted plots, so this time Verdi decided to trip them up by introducing the concept of multiple personality disorder.

Apparently quite accustomed to multiple personalities, the choristers greet the guests by singing "hello" not once, but dozens of times. Everyone sits down to dinner. Don Carlo is there, but he is no longer Leonora's brother. He is now Pereda, a student searching for the killer of Carlo's father. This might seem odd, but in a town where villagers happily dine on bowls of imaginary soup, anything goes. Suddenly the fortune teller Preziosilla, who is dressed as a lobster, jumps up on the table and announces that war has broken out. Overjoyed, the townsfolk can't wait to try out their new machine guns - very advanced weaponry for the mid-1800s. The revelry is interrupted by the arrival of pilgrims stumbling blindly across the oddly slanted stage
with bags over their heads, dragging huge crosses and light sabers. Under the cover of some gratuitous religious music, choristers collect the disoriented penitents and point the poor souls back to their dressing rooms. The merriment resumes with Pereda telling the story of his entire life. It takes just two minutes. As the villagers pretend to understand whatever it is he's babbling about, Preziosilla begins to suspect that he might be another multiple. Finally the Alcade sends everyone home, touching off another long round of hellos and goodbyes.

Scene 3 - A monastery

Leonora joins the monastery and becomes a man

Act II - In the woods somewhere, several years later

Things get really busy. Alvaro has become Don Federico Herreros, a war hero. But he remains in love with Leonora whom he thinks is still a woman, but dead. Pereda, who bears a striking resemblance to Carlo, has dropped
out of school and become Don Felice de Bornos, whose life Federico has just saved. The two men (actually five) swear eternal friendship (Herreros and Bornos, not Pereda and Carlo, and definitely not Carlo and Alvaro!) Herreros is severely wounded and begs Don Felice not to open a
box containing his personal items. So of course Felice opens it immediately. Well, technically it was Pereda who opened Federico's box, but let's not get overly analytical. Anyway, discovering a picture of Leonora he decides to murder Herreros as soon as he is well enough to die.

While the soldiers are busy discovering the technical wonders of the flashlight, Vargas tells Alvaro that Leonora is still alive. He (Herreros) can't wait to go search for her (him), but Don Felice (Carlo) calls Herreros (Federico) a lowlife, which of course sets Alvaro off again. Federico and Felice duel, but the ever helpful chorus takes time out from a torturous costume change to interrupt the duel, and so
Federico (Alvaro) and Alvaro (Alvaro) decide to become a monk.

Trabuco, the mule driver from Act One, is now a thief, but his new name is the same as the old one. Well, it happens sometimes. Anyway, while he robs everyone blind, topless chorus sluts entertain the troops, and lobster lady Preziosilla goes about telling fortunes. It all proves too much for Friar Melitone who launches into a sermon about moral fiber. The soldiers try to convince him that the chorus boobs are all fake, but he flips out, provoking a fight between the men, while the women can only think about getting back downstairs and out of those gawdawful mammosuits. Preziosilla saves the day by leading the chorus in a rousing military gibberish march, climaxing with the long overdue nuclear flash from Doctor Atomic.

Act III Scene 1 - At the monastery of the Madonna degli Angeli, Hornacuelos, Spain

Friar Melitone, still obsessed with fiber, is serving the starving peasants bowls of hot confetti. Alvaro / Federico has become a saintly monk by the name of Padre Rafael. Don Felice shows up at the monastery and accuses Rafael of being the lowlife who murdered Carlo's father. This of course reawakens his Alvaro personality and leads to yet another duel between the two (Carlo/Felice vs. Alvaro and Federico/Rafael).

Scene 2 - Nearby

Leonora can't understand why becoming a male hermit hasn't made her happy. Could it be that spending years moping about a cave is maybe just a touch depressing? No, that can't be it. She must still be in love with Alvaro. Just when she decides it's time to die, guess who shows up for a visit. It's that saintly Padre Rafael! And he's dragging along Don Felice whom he's just stabbed!

Wait a minute! Felice/ Bornos/ Vargas/ Carlo/ Pereda, and Federico/ Herreros/ Rafael/ Alvaro???? Jeez, this hermitage is turning into Grand Central Station! Padre Rafael begs the holy hermit (Leonora) to pray for Felice. So let's see. Her estranged lover who killed her father is now the saintly monk who stabbed her brother. No problem at all! But the dying Carlo is freaked that he now has a brother instead of a sister, so he stabs her (him/her). Well, those were not very enlightened times. And Alvaro, the cause of this whole mess? Leonora forgives him just before she too kicks off. Now, you gotta admit, that's grand opera!